What Super Bowl?

Yeah, yeah, yeah I know there’s some kind of football thing going on today. Buuut, and hear me out here, this little tilt here between America’s Assholes and the New England Deflatriots (or is it the other way around?) can do NOTHING to compete with the real sporting events going on today.

And, first things first, DOUBLE DIGIT WINS BABYYY!!

When the Knicks kicked off this afternoon at 2pm, I had the distinct impression Carmelo was coming off a serious night of pre-Super Bowl hitting the town. Homeboy was grimacing from the very first minute, looking groggy at the opening tip and having some serious trouble keeping his eyes open. He also started the game fairly ice-cold, letting fellow teammate Jason Smith hit a series of jumpers to keep the Knicks afloat.

Then the 3rd quarter happened. And Carmelo EXPLODED. Dude went for 18 of his 31 points in that single frame as the lead ballooned from 8 at the half to as high as 21. For some reason Byron Scott chose to have human-chipmunk Ryan Kelly guard Carmelo in 1 on 1 situations throughout the entire quarter, having all the other Lakers sit and watch as Anthony outmuscled and dominated the smaller Kelly on the post. Of course, for the game’s most versatile scorer, just beating up a smaller, whiter player ten feet from the basket wasn’t enough. Melo poured in a number of 3 pointers, including one where he got perhaps the most fortuitous homecourt bounce I have ever seen.

AND HE DID THIS!!

WHAT THE HELL???

Number one, killer pass from Jason Smith. That’s a 7 footer throwing a pinpoint dime from behind the three point line. Carmelo revealed afterwards that that was something he and Smith had been working on a lot during practices for whenever teams try to front Melo on the block. Nice chemistry guys!

Secondly, knee injury? I don’t think I’ve ever seen Carmelo Anthony jump that high. Dude hardly ever throws down a contested dunk; I’ve associated him far more in my mind with brutal rejections than with actually jamming on people. I know he can get up there, but that was some hops I didn’t know he had. Gonna be totally honest and say I also jumped off the couch after that one.

Anywayss, Melo’s 3rd quarter combined with the general shittiness of the LA Lakers (someone speculated that they weren’t doubling Anthony in an effort to get that top 5 selection and keep their first round pick, which would go to Phoenix otherwise.) pretty much put this game away, sending us to 10 wins on the season and a more impressive 5 wins in the last 7 games. I know its just the Lakers, and its a Sunday matinee but I gotta say it feels good. And rewarding hustle guys like Lance Thomas and Langston Galloway for their effort in these 7 games or so? Even better.

Now, that would be my input for the basketball world today, except there was another wildly exciting event going on at the same time as the Knicks. And I’m talking, of course, about:

Chris Paul’s Celebrity Pro Bowling Tournament!!!

I’d always known CP3 was a big time bowling fan, but this was seeing him in a totally new light. Playing against such bowling enthusiasts as Terrell Owens, Nick Cannon, and French Montana (!!)

The format for the PBA was a little odd – basically each player bowls once with an optional mulligan with the worst scoring guy getting eliminated each round – and there was open and fully-encouraged trash talking. People were even shouting while the players were rolling, which seemed a little disrespectful but who am I to judge? It also kinda seemed like Paul had to teach Montana and Cannon HOW TO BOWL as they pretty much walked up to the line and dropped the ball down the lane with absolutely no spin to speak of.

I guess that last part could kind of take away from the fact that Paul was the ultimate winner of the contest, eliminating fellow Chris, Chris Hardwick with a ballsy strike (after mulliganing on an 8!). Still, you gotta be happy for the league’s premier floor general, especially when one of the announcers (I’m kidding, there was only one announcer) said that it was an All-Star performance to go along with Paul’s 8th All-Star selection.

For a big CP3 fan like myself? That’s winning twice.

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